You 2.0

 

At times you feel like the world is caving in on you, like your throat is shrinking, keeping you from breathing. Your heart feels heavy and you can’t bear the weight of your emotions anymore. And you think to yourself. How much longer can you survive this ? how long can you last before that anger comes out ? before people notice ? You don’t want them to know. You won’t let it show . you try so hard. Your sadness will be deemed as weakness or hormonal. Your temper will be met with side eyes. They don’t know what it’s like ; what it’s like to be hiding your struggles from the world and holding it all in. They have no idea what it’s like to fake strength for others, to be the good person they’ve known you to be.

You get angrier as you feel your chest tightening and suffocating you into silence. Why can’t they be understanding like you ? why can’t they relate like you do ? why do you have to deal with it on your own when it is you who supported them all along ?  The thought of it all frustrates you and you get the urge of just exploding and casting away the weight that drags your shoulders down. You want to let it all go and show the world that you’re not as perfect as you seem. You too fight your own demons. You too have your moments of weakness. You too need a shoulder to cry on from time to time, a pat on the back or even a warm smile. A simple feeling of « I got your back » from a friend. You cant to be able to show your emotions and not be labeled as fragile or not reliable anymore.

But they don’t know and you will never show. You know they will never do what you do. And you know it’s partly your fault.